I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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