Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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