She said her name was "party"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
