i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
