i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
