Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
