So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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