im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
