69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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