Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
