Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
