Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
