it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
