here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
