We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
