standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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