I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
