Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
