forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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