WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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