It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there is glitter all over my balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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