Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
