This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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