a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
