Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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