he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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