you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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