New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
