when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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