so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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