office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
