it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
