How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
false alarm, still single
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