I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
