Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
