Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
