worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
