I wanna passion pit in your ass
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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