have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
