We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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