I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
