never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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