That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
