Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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