Nicole vs. Life
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My vagina just recognized that song.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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