I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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