So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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