after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
