I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We have started to decorate penises.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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