You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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