This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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